Tag: Reality

#27 The Job Isn’t what you Expected

July 31st, 2020 by

You may long for the days when your professional life was easier, the days when you excelled. Others referred to you as the ‘expert’. Thinking back, it seems like you had it made. Today is different. You feel out of place as unfamiliar exposure follows you amidst a new bureaucratic maze. The job isn’t what you expected, and you lie awake at night thinking you made a terrible mistake.

Brain Filtering

You see what you believe. It is a concept referred to as confirmation bias. For example, if you believe your child is the best child ever created, you will accumulate evidence to prove this belief true. Over time, you will have made numerous mental notes of all the reasons why your child is the best. And you ignore evidence that disputes this belief. Therefore, if you consistently tell yourself the job isn’t what you expected, your brain will work to find all the relevant proof … and it will ignore the rest.

Confirmation bias is a critical reason why self-awareness is germane to your well-being (see Post #05). When your brain reinforces negative beliefs, it is creating stronger neural pathways that over time, become easier to access. This is how you create new habits. Therefore, it is your job to filter your thoughts and beliefs. Hold on to those that are working well and discard the self-destructive statements that serve no purpose.

Your Contribution

First thing is first: self-awareness. Recognize the self-destructive chatter such as, “I think I made a mistake … It shouldn’t be this difficult … I must prove myself … I miss my old team … people think my job is a joke … I hate the environment … I don’t want this, etc.” You may wonder, “How can these be self-destructive thoughts if they are true?”

Great question! This leads to the next step: analyze how your thoughts enhance your life. Create 2 columns on paper and try this exercise. Column 1 is labeled ‘Thought’; write down your thoughts. Column 2 is labeled ‘Positive Results.’ For example, perhaps it is true you don’t like the new environment. What positive results are created in your life by this thought – how does it move you forward? If this belief does not support your well-being, it’s time to toss it.

In other words, you will contribute to your own agony by focusing energy on the negative beliefs.

Perhaps the job isn’t what you expected. Many jobs won’t be. Lots of things in life aren’t as expected: relationships, plans, children, etc. The question becomes, who do you want to be when expectations are not met?

I invite you to follow me on LinkedIn and subscribe to my Youtube channel for additional coaching insights!

#26 Is COVID Leaving you Stuck?

July 17th, 2020 by

What does one do when you find yourself stuck in a dismal job because of the tight market? How do you maneuver a new career when negative headlines constantly feed into your mind? If COVID is leaving you stuck, it is time to construct some relevant facts so you quit wasting brain power on futile activities.

The Facts

Fact 1: You own the most powerful asset on the planet.

This tool is capable of solving the most desperate, dire problems in your life. In general, society does not emphasize the need to take care of it or to feed it with constant upgrades. This tool requires attention, nurturing, and exercise to enable forward progression.

It is called your brain, and I challenge you to think about the last time you fed your brain meaningful nourishment. If you want your brain to perform at its best, you must feed it the most empowering information possible. And by the way, that does not include the news media (see Post #17).

Fact 2: Humans cannot evolve or advance without obstacles.

Imagine a life that includes constant bliss and happiness because everything goes your way, exactly as planned. Picture a life that offered zero problems at work with a perfect home life awaiting your charmed arrival. Is this a life you wish for, one in which you would never even know you’re happy?

The fact of the matter is that, despite our feelings, humans need challenges and obstacles. They contribute to our progression as a species. That is, after all, the purpose of our being: to evolve by overcoming perils. The more challenging our obstacles, the more we progress.

Fact 3: There are numerous free resources at your disposal.

As an avid LinkedIn user, I encounter varieties of people who offer services for free. Whether you’re looking for a career coach, a business strategist, strength-finders, communication experts, interviewing hints, job application tips, etc., the resources are innumerable. And that does not include the other socials.

If COVID is leaving you stuck in your current situation, take advantage of the plentiful help available online. For starters, I always offer free life coaching to help you get a jump start out of misery into your next endeavor.

I’m here to assist your mental wellbeing. Simply send me an email: gina@deliberatedoing.com

I invite you to follow me on LinkedIn and subscribe to my Youtube channel for additional coaching insights!

#19 COVID Effects: Do you Secretly Wish to be Laid Off?

April 10th, 2020 by

Restaurants are only permitted to serve takeout, students must adjust to online learning and employees find themselves working from home. If they’re working at all. Many service and professional workers have been pushed out of their jobs due to the COVID-19 pandemic. You feel sympathy for the newly unemployed as they scramble to figure things out. However, in the midst of their unwelcome unemployment, you secretly wish to be laid off.

Old Problem Solved

In your mind, a forced layoff means you get to sever ties without submitting your 2 weeks’ notice. That solves many problems for you! First, it provides an easy explanation during future job interviews. “They laid me off due to COVID downsizing” seems to take responsibility away from you as the employee.

Second, your spouse has no control over your being laid off. If only your employer let you go, you wouldn’t have to convincingly persuade your spouse that your time is up. The third issue a layoff will resolve is your reticent desire to get the heck out of that place. You can create long list of reasons why it’s time to leave; or, perhaps you’re holding on to one significant reason. Your bottom line: secretly wishing to be laid off paves the easy way to other, more satisfying employment.

New Problem

My challenge to you: how will you handle similar circumstances in your new place of employment? Imagine this: pretend you eventually find a better job with a better salary and a better commute (see Post #08). You’re as happy as can be for several months – this is what you’ve always sought in a career… until it’s not.

How would you handle your new circumstance if, let’s say, one day you learn the company is sold? How would you handle a new boss, a reassignment to a new program, or a round of salary cuts? When a career checks all the boxes and life is well, you’re not challenged to evolve, grow or to practice self-awareness. It’s an insidious deceit for all of us when life operates as a well-oiled machine.

Adaptability

Even a well-oiled machine wears down and requires maintenance. Just when you believe that new job is perfect and meets all your requirements, one day you’ll find that it doesn’t. Will you then think about searching for the next one?

When you next job isn’t what you thought, are you going to secretly wish to be laid off again? A layoff (or a new job) may temporarily provide relief from current career woes. The best long-term solution, however, is to work on your mental adaptability skills. You will be a happier, more productive and resilient person if you adapt your brain to job circumstances rather than forcing job circumstances to adapt to your brain.

I invite you to follow me on LinkedIn and subscribe to my Youtube channel for additional coaching insights!

#17 Do You Think for Yourself?

March 13th, 2020 by

Do you embrace information without question, OR do you tend to think independently? I will talk about the differences and you can determine how these apply to your life.

Living a Programmed Life

Imagine the last time you openly challenged a theory, a boss or a customer. Our society, at times, does not advocate that you challenge status quo. You tend to conform to the norm when you don’t ask questions or perform your own investigations. When this happens, you are believing information as is or perhaps you don’t have time to verify. You probably like to be efficient, and right or wrong, it’s efficient to believe what you are told. It’s not efficient to question information that many embrace without the blink of an eye.

For example, have you ever questioned processes, policies or feedback at work? How about your faith or religious beliefs? Or marriage and the idea of rearing kids? And what about your financial dealings, such as 401ks, IRAs and other investments?

The point here is that you have full control over your personal actions and beliefs. How often do you make decisions based on your own interpretation of knowledge? You run the risk of living by default when consistently conforming to ideas, customs and norms without question.

Think for Yourself

In contrast, an independent thinker tends to make deliberate, conscious decisions. And an independent thinker acknowledge their reasons for making such choices. If you think on your own behalf, you tend to question ideas, practices and status quo. This is not an easy practice because others generally don’t like to be challenged.

And I am not suggesting you question everything and everyone in your life (see Post #12). Rather, I challenge you to thoughtfully ponder ideas, principles and the lifestyle you live by. Have these been chosen for you or by you?

In conclusion, we fall between the two extremes of accepting all information at face value vs questioning status quo. Where do you stand?

I invite you to follow me on LinkedIn and subscribe to my Youtube channel for additional coaching insights!

#15 What is your Level of Perfectionism?

February 14th, 2020 by

Some of us push perfectionism to the limit. We admire the way every object in the house has its assigned function and designated space. We don’t mind scrutinizing (or admiring) our work 10 times over just to be extra sure there are no mistakes. Others, however, are not-so-proud perfectionists. You may be familiar with triple and quadruple-checking our own work, and doing so from an uncomfortable feeling of fear. “What if something is incorrect or out of line?” you hauntingly wonder. 

The Root Cause

Perfectionistic tendencies may look different for every person. However, the common denominator for perfectionists boils down to one thing: self-worth. Self-worth, or lack thereof, comes from fear – i.e., “What will they think of me … what if I’m wrong … is my work good enough, etc.” Fear is rooted in self-doubt and insecurity. 

The more insecure you are with your existence, the more you want to prevent mistakes or answer for wrongdoings.  As mentioned, the root cause of your perfectionism comes from a lack of self-worth. Your answers to these questions are indicative of your own self-worth: what do you think of you, how do you view your worth as a human? 

Strive for Less than Perfect

The best way to mitigate perfectionism is to increase your self-worth. Imagine a world in which you are willing to embrace all feelings, positive and negative. Picture how your life would be different if you were comfortable with living an unapologetic, authentic life (see Post #18). 

No lying, no masking your feelings and no shaming yourself for being less than perfect. This is a self-confidence skill that is available to you.  It is a skill you can work toward building over time, similar to hiring a person trainer at the gym.

Perfectionism stems from fear; fear stems from self-doubt and insecurity; self-doubt and insecurity come from your self-worth.  When your self-confidence is sky high, my friends, then you have your own back no matter what. When your self-security is drastically improved, can you see how the need for perfectionism dwindles?

I invite you to follow me on LinkedIn and subscribe to my Youtube channel for additional coaching insights!

#11 What’s the Most Important Thing to Know?

December 27th, 2019 by

What one piece of information, what one skill or ability, what one resource is the most important thing to know? Today’s fast-paced, high pressure environment doesn’t afford much time for self-reflection. It is easy to dismiss ourselves in the midst of making everyone else happy. What piece of information serve the best purpose for your life?

Your Career: What is Most Important

If you ask yourself, “What’s the most important thing I know?”, your immediate answers will likely fall into one of two categories: personal or professional wellbeing. You may instantly try to answer this question in terms of your career. Perhaps you’d like to advance or change your career, make more money or run for the hills as fast as possible (see Post #04). 

What if, in the context of your career, the most important thing to know is that you can depend on YOU … that you will have your own back no matter what? Imagine how different and rewarding life could be if you knew you can count on yourself 100%. You would feel elated and confident knowing the most important thing: you can get on your feet and thrive despite any prevailing circumstances.

Your Life: What is Most Important

In terms of your personal life, what is the most important thing to know? Perhaps that your family loves you or they will be okay should tragedy strike. Maybe the most important thing to know is that your finances, insurance policies and related benefits are securely in place.

Or, perhaps the most important thing to know is that your personal wellbeing is completely within your control no matter your circumstances? Here is a brain exercise – picture your daily self conducting your life from the feelings of security, confidence and resilience. Again, the most important thing to know: you can get on your feet and thrive despite any prevailing circumstances.

It is worth reflecting on the things that matter most. One tactic is to ask and honestly answer, “What is the most important thing to know?” Personally, the most important thing I know is that I will be fine and my brain will help me through any given circumstances. I know how to fall and get up. The same peace of mind is available to you!

I invite you to follow me on LinkedIn and subscribe to my Youtube channel for additional coaching insights!

#7 Wishing for More in Life

November 22nd, 2019 by

Do you spend too much time wishing things were different, wishing for more in life? Perhaps you long for a new job, a bigger raise or a closer commute (see Post #20). On the surface, some of these wishes sound positive and encouraging. But if you dig deeper and think about the meanings behind your wishes, you are probably causing yourself unnecessary suffering.

Resisting Reality

First, when you want things to be different than they are, when you are wishing for more in life, you fight reality. You run the risk of convincing yourself, by wishfully thinking, that your current situation or your current state could and should be better. The more you wish, the more you believe you’re either missing out or you’ve earned the short end of the stick. The act of wishing equates to resisting reality. Is there an upside to thinking you’re at a disadvantage?  

Might it better serve you to focus on the things you have right now? You may argue that it makes you feel bad, that it serves as a painful reminder of what you don’t have. You may say, “The whole reason I wish is because I don’t like the way things are right now!” If so, this is a critical indication that you are caught up in your mind and it’s time to hit your mental reset button. 

Unnecessary Suffering

Secondly, wishing for more in life makes you feel terrible. Wishing is the act of spending precious brain energy longing for things you don’t have (or can’t have). And that kind of painful longing probably makes you feel quite pitiful. Yet, you do it over and over without realizing you’re causing your own pain. 

As you spend greater lengths of time wishing, the worse it is going to make you feel. And even if your wish were granted, it will be a temporary relief. It will only be a matter of time until you start wishing for more in life…

The problem with wishing is that you are not utilizing your thoughts in a way that move your life forward. Wishing is a way to deny reality and cause undue suffering.

I invite you to follow me on LinkedIn and subscribe to my Youtube channel for additional coaching insights!